I have been high on hormones for the last four years. From the pregnancy to the nursing hormones, my body is now ready for a break. I initially planned to breastfeed for the recommended 2 years but when I got to that mark, I saw nothing wrong with continuing. The health benefits to me and my kid were just too inviting. Plus, I just was not ready to stop.
As an extended breastfeeding mom, I’ve gone through it all, from her asking me to sit so she can feed, to curious stares from people who frown upon extended nursing. While I never seemed to mind other people’s opinions, because they do not really matter (what does is what experts and studies have to say about raising a healthy child), it gets to a point where a mom realizes that enough is enough. I now feel ready to have my boobs back all to myself.
And so today found me rocking my child at my sister-in-law’s place, hoping she would sleep so I would sneak out and leave her there for a week. Given that I am with her all day every day these days, weaning her at home was never an option.
Here’s the sad part though, my daughter is now 2 and a half and we’ve never slept in different beds ever since she was born. I tried to put her in her cot when she was an infant but the idea of waking up and rushing to her bed every 2 hours did not seem all that appealing to me. Being away from her for a whole week is simply unbearable. But if she can do it, them so can mommy.
I boarded the Matatu and headed home feeling sick. I Thought I would cry. I really did. But I was strong enough not to. Maybe I’ll do that later tonight.
The house feels empty and cold without her. A few times I’ve caught myslef closing the doors softly so as not to ‘wake her up’. Other times I’ve found myself jumping with a start, thinking that she’s in the bedroom calling out for me. My only hope is that she’s having a far much better time with her cousins than I am.
I am overwhelmed with feelings of sadness, loneliness and guilt. The only thing I’m excited about is that I’ll now be able to wear dresses I’ve not worn in years. As for my girl, this is one more milestone; another step towards independence. Am so proud of her.
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